A short story - THE LOTTERY TICKET

At 56 years old, with his stooping shoulders and thin frame, Ah Lek cuts a very forlorn figure indeed. He had seen good and bad times, been to hell and back. In the past, at the pinnacle of his career, he used to hire the best caddies and play golf at Saujana Hills till the cows came home and drink the best Mc Clutcheon whiskey but when the market crashed in 1997, he lost everything, except his three wives and sixteen children. They stood by him, but secretly he knew there were prawns behind the stone.

Meet Mrs Lek Chun-Ted, a tall ravishing former Miss Malaysia Boleh 1977. She is Ah Lek's first wife. As the matriarch of the Lek family, she wielded authority and power. When her husband fell from riches to rags, she barely bat an eyelid. She saw it coming, economic crisis and all. She stowed all her jewellery - amethysts, jaspers, rubies and all, in a huge vault in Switzerland, all without the knowledge of Ah Lek, for she knew very well the importance of preparing an umbrella before it rains. She married Ah Lek not for his wealth at the time she knew him, but because of his character- naive and easily deceived. So, when he lost everything, she was his pillar of strength, together with their six children, Ah, Bah, Cik, Dek, Eek and Fuk. Pardon the names as Ah Lek and Chun-Ted had very little education and thus lack creativity in naming their chilldren. What Ah Lek did not know was, Chun-Ted had a scheming mind, and what she wanted from him was something worth more than the empire he once built, something that would guarantee herself and children a comfortable and lavish life as long as they lived.

***

Ah Lek's two other wives are not noteworthy. They were ex-office ladies he had brief affairs with, but was forced to marry them when their bellies gave him away as Ah Lek believed that a man should take responsibility for his actions. These two wives were foolish and lacked the calibre of Mrs. Lek Chun-Ted. After Ah Lek's downfall, they stood by Ah Lek only because they had no one left to turn to. Both were fruitful and each bore him five children, who like their mothers, had prawn brains. They spend the days idling away, either indulging in bohsia/bohjan daily in a popular shopping complex in their area, Two Utama or sniffing glue at the padang behind their now dilapidated bungalow.

Ah Lek had a special gift. No one knew except Chun-Ted and himself. It was a gift that could only be used once in a lifetime. Ah Lek inherited this special ability from a Bangladeshi sifu based in Jalan Imbi. For the uninitiated, Ah Lek used to haunt the prostitute dens there for his daily fix in his heyday. But, that's a different story altogether.

This gift was the gift to predict nombor ekor. Ah Lek refrained from abusing this gift, because his sifu made him say a special vow and chant some verses before bestowing the gift upon him. Being the kia-si fella that he is, Ah Lek has abided by this vow till today. According to his sifu, the gift can only be used in times of pure desperation, when all means have been exhausted. Chun-Ted had persuaded Ah Lek to use this gift when his business empire kaboom-ed, but he resisted saying that pure desperation = the only food left to feed his children were cucumbers and tap water. As all his children still could enjoy Ramloo burgers and drink iced tea at the mamaks, they were still far from being desperate.

But Chun-Ted could not wait, she longed for the days of glory when she used to flash her gems and drink English tea at Malliote KL with her fellow tai tais. So, she proceeded to devise an ingenious plan to trick Ah Lek into revealing those vital digits that would restore her the fame and luxury.

* * *
4/4/2004. The most auspicious date in the Chinese calendar, according to Chun-Ted's private fengshui consultant, Jooy Yep. The perfect date to implement her plan. Off she went as early as 7 am to Midget Hypermarket USJ to buy five kilos of Indonesian cucumbers ( the cheapest variety). Next she proceeded to fill all the bottles she could find in the house with pure, unalduterated air paip. She gathered the whole Lek clan in the dining area and with the boom of her 120 decibel voice,announced that breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next one week would be cucumbers and tap water. Ah Lek's eyes almost popped out in disbelief. Being the caring, doting father that he is, how could he bare to see his beloved offspring consume cucumbers and tap water. Chun-Ted stole a glance at her husband, she smiled, her plan was working. As all his children groaned and grumbled, Fuk the youngest and defiant son, arose from his stool and shouted, " This is not fair! I rather starve than eat cucumbers!' while the children of his two younger wives unanimously shrieked, 'can we make cucumber juice?'

Ah Lek rushed to his room, grabbed a bowl of water and sat on the floor, in a yoga-like posture, eyes closed in full concentration. Chun-Ted followed. Soon, four numbers faintly appeared in the form of bubbles on the surface of the water Chun-Ted could barely contain her excitement. This is it. The moment of truth. She scrambled for a piece of paper and wrote the numbers " 9994".

* * *
True enough when the lottery ticket was bought and the results announced, the numbers won the grand prize worth RM350 million. Chun-Ted was above cloud nine, Ah Lek happy that the cucumber eating spree would end. She carefully kept the ticket in her dressing drawer, waiting to collect the prize the next day. Without her knowledge, the dumbest of the two wives children, Ah Bok was snooping in her room one fine evening, looking for some loose cash to buy more glue. He and his kakis had finished up their monthly supply of Gam Cap Itik. They were now on a high and desperately needed cash. As he rummaged through the drawers, his eyes caught a glimpse of the lottery ticket. Being dumb and high, he mistook it for a money note. He grabbed it and rushed to the nearest sundry shop, owned by Mr. Arumugam, a retired ex-state footballer and his wife, Sri Devi. Mr Arumugam almost went into cardiac arrest when he saw the lottery ticket. He immediately summoned Devi and after giving Ah Bok his glue, rushed to the nearest Magnum office to redeem his windfall. Both husband and wife, packed their bags, shut down the sundry shop and migrated to the Swiss Alps where Mr. Arumugam can be seen daily skiing and enjoying Mc Clutcheon whiskey while Sri Devi, clad from head to toe with expensive designer clothing and adorned with Bvglari diamonds.

As for Ah Lek and household, cucumbers became a staple diet but Chun-Ted, when she heard of the lottery ticket missing, she screamed and screamed until the bungalow almost came crashing down.



The End.

Hopefully you guys find this rather absurd story amusing. Just for laughs. >:)

Written by,
-Janice-